Have you ever had a friend who made you feel bad? Maybe your friend was mean to you sometimes, and confused you. Or she (or he) would ignore you because you had done something wrong.
We all fall out with our friends on occasion, even us adults. It is a normal part of life.
When the friendship is one-sided then it is a different story.
Have you ever had a friend who behaves like this:
Always wants to spend time with you and doesn’t like when you play with others
Gets angry if you don’t do what she wants to do
Contacts you all the time, even when you have gone home.
Wants to be like you, or wants you to be like her. Copies your clothes and your hairstyle
Doesn’t take notice of your feelings, it is all about what she wants
Makes a fool of you in front of others, to make them laugh
If you object to this, tells you that you have no sense of humour, and that it was just a joke
Is moody and unpredictable, and blames you for anything that goes wrong
When you do something she doesn’t like, she ‘punishes’ you by ignoring you, or playing with someone else
Pinches, kicks or hits you
You might still think of this girl as your friend, and she can be a lot of fun at times, and you want to continue to spend time with her.
We would call her controlling. She wants to get her own way, and she does this by making you feel bad about yourself.
We would also call her a bully, because she is ‘a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker’.
A controlling person can be someone your own age, or someone older than you. If you know how to recognise a person who behaves in this way towards others, then you can avoid making friends with them. If you see them being mean to other people, then remember that they may later turn on you.
What is the best way to deal with someone like this?
First, you could tell a friend, or a trusted adult. It could be a teacher, or a family member, maybe even the parent of a friend. Let them know that the ‘friend’ makes you feel bad, and that you don’t want to be friends with them any more.
Then you could start to distance yourself from the person by not always being available to spend time with her. If she ignores you, walk away and speak to other people in your class. Perhaps there is another person in your class who you could team up with.
No one should make you feel bad. If you have a friend who makes you upset, or who you wish you could avoid, then it is ok to stop being friends with them. Don’t let anyone control you.
You are strong. Walk away and find someone who values your friendship and who makes you happy.
If you are being bullied, and need help, there are various organisations that can help – further advice and links here.
Don’t ignore bullying, it won’t go away. If you are being bullied, it can be making your life really miserable and you need to talk to someone about what is happening.
Ideally you should talk to your parents or carers or your teacher if the bullying is happening at school. If you can’t talk to your parents or teacher, a friend could maybe talk to them for you. You must tell someone though. You might want to talk to:
– Auntie or other relative
– Parents’ friend
– School counsellor
– Youth worker
– School nurse
If the bullying is going on at school, the school should operate an anti-bullying policy. Maybe your teacher doesn’t know you are being bullied.
Keep telling people until it stops. The bullying may not stop the first time you tell your parents or teacher and they try and put a stop to it. If it continues, tell your parents or teacher again.